My Story

Psalm 18:16 “He delivered me because He delighted in me”

On February 1, 2005 I was having my quiet time and was reading in Matthew 20:29-34 about two blind men that had heard about Jesus and the miracles He had done, and now they hear that the same “Jesus is passing by” them. The Word says that the blind men began to shout to Jesus saying Have mercy on us, O Lord, Son of David!” Then the multitude warned them that they should be quiet; but they cried out all the more, saying, “Have mercy on us, O Lord, Son of David!”


So Jesus stood still and called them, and said, “What do you want Me to do for you?”
They said to Him, “Lord, that our eyes may be opened.” So Jesus had compassion and touched their eyes. And immediately their eyes received sight, and they followed Him.

This Word went into my spirit and felt as if the Lord Himself stood still and asked me the same question that He asked the blind men, “what do you want Me to do for you?” I realized that I too needed to confess my blindness and need of Him. I began to feel His love for me like a rushing River. There was so much truth revealed in that moment.  I thought I always knew Him until this moment came. He opened my eyes so that I could see His love but also what was in my heart.

Luke 16:15…but God knows your heart.

I felt sick at what I saw. I began to ask Him questions like, How could I? Why? How?

Romans 2:4 The goodness of God leads you to repentance.

I repented before the Lord and sobbed. That day I asked the Lord two specific questions.

Why was I like that? And, What did You do to me?

I now had a new hunger and a thirst for Him that jolted me out of bed at 5am and sought Him with my whole heart. I began to read the Bible and book after book about spiritual growth and had never finished a book before in my life. I had not considered myself “a reader”. The Bible was like my food and I would take in His every Word and promise as if it was written just for me. I began to journal as if the pages of this journal were my own heart I was writing on. I felt that I had wasted too much time and desperately needed to catch up.

One day as we worshiped with our congregation at the church, I saw a quick vision of a huge pile of dirt with a bulldozer parked right by it. I knew this was a picture of my heart but praised the Lord because the cleanup had begun! I leaned over to Jef and told him what I felt the Lord had showed me. Just like the prodigal son, I had returned but had the stench that had to be washed off of me.

That same week, I was reading Jack Hayford’s book, Spirit Formed Life, I read “…so wait while heaven’s bulldozers are at work, and find that the mountain is disappearing a truckload at a time!

Then over time the Lord started to answer my two specific questions.

Why was I like that?

I remember waking up one morning and recalling the dream that I had the night before where a Dr. had just diagnosed me with cancer, but the Dr. said that this cancer was not treated with chemotherapy but would be treated differently.

I woke up scared and told Jef about the dream and we prayed together. A few weeks later, I was reading a book by Tony Evans titled Basic Principles, and as I was turning the page, my spirit within me began to rejoice without my flesh knowing what my spirit was excited about. This was different and the first time I had ever experienced this. So I turned the page and there it was,

“the carnal Christian is like a cancer that eventually kills. A blockage of unconfessed sins. Carnality is a fleshy lifestyle, a spiritual state in which a believer knowingly, intentionally, and persistently lives to please and serve self rather than God. Repentance functions like radical surgery to remove the cancerous growth so that spiritual health can be regained and fellowship with the Father restored.”

My answer to my one of my questions was no longer a secret but knew exactly what went wrong. God was pleased to answer me.

Jeremiah 33:3 Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things which you do not know

What did You do to me?

It was exactly one year and a half later in one of our services. Pastor Morris’s message included this scripture and the words jumped from the pages straight into my heart, as if He came down held my face in His hands and spoke to me. I could not stop the flood of tears as I read them, knowing He was answering my last question.

Ezekiel 36:25-29 “I will gather you, Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh . I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them. Then you shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; you shall be My people, and I will be your God. I will deliver you from all your uncleanness. Then you will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good; and you will loathe yourselves in your own sight, for your iniquities and your abominations”.

I Thank You Lord for saving me and giving me a new heart to love You with. Delivering me out of death and darkness. I pray that Your glory will shine through and into the hearts of those You call Your own. I pray for all who read about what You did for me to have real revelation encounters with You so that they not only hear of You but now they see You for themselves as You open their eyes .In Jesus name, Amen!